Surrogacy helps people who can’t have children on their own build their very own families. Sometimes intended parents use their own genetic material, while other times donors may be required.
In this article, we look at seven questions intended parents ask themselves before choosing surrogacy.
First, though, let’s look at why surrogacy may be right for you. While there is no one reason intended parents choose surrogacy, there are a few common reasons.
- Heterosexual couples who struggle with infertility
- Mothers who are unable to carry a baby
- Intended parents who have a genetic defect or other health condition they worry about passing on to a baby
- Same sex intended parents who want to have a genetic link to their baby
At Joy of Life®, we know surrogacy is a positive, healthy way to grow your family when you can’t do it on your own. Now, let’s look at some questions to ask yourself before choosing surrogacy.
1. Can I Handle It Emotionally?
Yes, surrogacy can be emotionally challenging for everyone, the surrogate and the intended parents.
As intended parents, you won’t actually share in the everyday experiences of growing a baby to term. This can be especially hard if an intended parent is a woman.
For many women, it’s important to first grieve the loss of not being able to carry a baby to term before deciding to hire a surrogacy agency like Joy of Life®.
You can look at the positive aspects of letting a surrogate carry your baby for you. These include avoiding morning sickness, avoiding weight gain, sleeping well during the pregnancy, and not feeling uncomfortable. Many women don’t actually find pregnancy enjoyable, so concentrating on these aspects can make intended parents more emotionally ready to hire a surrogate.
Additionally, since surrogacy can be emotionally challenging, consider visiting with a mental health professional before deciding and during the pregnancy.
2. Can I Trust the Surrogate?
Another question intended parents ask themselves before choosing surrogacy is whether they can trust the surrogate.
If you use an agency like Joy of Life®, you can rest assured that we thoroughly screen our surrogates, so you can place your trust in us and them.
It can be hard, though, to really trust the woman who becomes your carrier. You may wonder questions like:
- Will she take care of the baby?
- Will she eat right and get enough sleep?
- Will she stay away from drugs and alcohol?
The answer is, yes, you can. It’s important to realize that as the intended parents, you can trust your surrogacy agency. It is a giant leap of faith for many, but you can do it.
Along with being emotionally ready, you also want to be able to relinquish some control of the pregnancy and trust the process. You can stay as involved as you’d like to be. Discuss this with us and your surrogate in the beginning, and we can include your wishes in the surrogacy contract.
3. Can I Afford It?
This is a very important question intended parents ask themselves before choosing surrogacy.
Delivering a healthy baby to term for our intended parents is crucial to us which is why we compensate our surrogate mothers well. Their commitment is vital to the overall process, and by compensating them well, you can trust in their reliability.
As intended parents, you want to know if you can afford surrogacy. We recommend budgeting a total average cost of $100,000-$140,000. This includes the surrogate’s compensation as well as medical care, attorney’s fees and insurance costs.
You can expect the price to vary depending on your individual situation. Variations may occur when twins are involved, or if you’re working with a more experienced surrogate.
If money is a concern, you may find loan options available to you that are designed for surrogacy. We do encourage you to speak with us, and we can help you sort through the costs.
At Joy of Life®, our fees are reasonable and quite affordable. We are here to help you grow your family with your own bundle of joy.
4. Will I Be Able to Bond with My Baby?
As intended parents, one of your first worries may be whether or not you can bond with your baby. You know that this emotional bond and attachment is so important to your baby’s future growth.
The good news is that you can bond with your baby just as you would if you’d carried it yourself. You can participate in every part of the pregnancy. At Joy of Life®, we provide a series of services that help intended parents bond with the baby during pregnancy.
What’s more, you can wait at the hospital for the birth of your baby and be with it afterward. It’s important for you to have skin-to-skin contact with your baby right after birth. We will work with you to create a birth plan that meets everyone’s needs.
In addition, don’t forget that you can start the bonding process during pregnancy. You can connect with your child. For example, post-pregnancy photos on your social media accounts. Share hopes and dreams for the future.
You can also record messages for your unborn baby for the surrogate to play for the baby. This helps your baby become familiar with your voice.
5. Will I Be Able to Bond with My Baby?
As intended parents, one of your first worries may be whether or not you can bond with your baby. You know that this emotional bond and attachment is so important to your baby’s future growth.
The good news is that you can bond with your baby just as you would if you’d carried it yourself. You can participate in every part of the pregnancy. At Joy of Life®, we provide a series of services that help intended parents bond with the baby during pregnancy.
What’s more, you can wait at the hospital for the birth of your baby and be with it afterward. It’s important for you to have skin-to-skin contact with your baby right after birth. We will work with you to create a birth plan that meets everyone’s needs.
In addition, don’t forget that you can start the bonding process during pregnancy. You can connect with your child. For example, post-pregnancy photos on your social media accounts. Share hopes and dreams for the future.
You can also record messages for your unborn baby for the surrogate to play for the baby. This helps your baby become familiar with your voice.
6. Will the Surrogate Have a Relationship with My Baby?
Ultimately this depends on you and your surrogate.
First, your surrogate won’t have visitation rights, and she won’t be a parent to your child. So, if you plan on keeping in touch, this will be in your surrogacy contract.
We find that some of our surrogates and intended parents develop a relationship and some form strong bonds. If this is the case for you, you might choose to keep the surrogate in your life. The bottom line, though, the baby is yours.
7. What If the Surrogate Wants to Keep the Baby?
California law allows intended parents to establish parental rights before birth, so your names are on the birth certificate.
Your surrogate understands from the beginning that this isn’t her child. She is simply the angel who is making your dreams come true.
Oftentimes, surrogates are women who have had their own children, and they want to help other families have their own. They may know others who have struggled, or they may know same-sex couples who want a baby.
A surrogate is a special person, and you can trust them when they work for an agency like Joy of Life®.
8. Should I Adopt Instead?
While adoption is a viable option for creating a family, it can take an enormous amount of waiting. And there’s no guarantee you’ll end up with a child or a baby.
What’s more, if you want to have a biological child, choosing surrogacy is your best option.
Do be sure you understand the differences and know what you want.
Contact Joy of Life Surrogacy Today
At Joy of Life®, we understand the concerns that intended parents have. We also know how important it is for you to work through your questions before choosing surrogacy.
We are here for you every step of the way, and we will guide you through the entire journey.
Finally, this is your baby. You can bond with your child, and we know you’ll love it unconditionally from the first moment you hear its heartbeat.
If you would like to learn more about surrogacy in California, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our consultants here at Joy of Life® Surrogacy.
